Dear New York football Jets, I am writing this letter as a testament to my love for you as an organization that has provided me with something to root for, as well as hope for, for the last 8 years of my life. When I say "hope", I mean it in a way which speculates my true feelings, which are that I stay a fan because I NEED to see you win a Superbowl just once before I die! Maybe the fact that this task seems far from reality is the reason I am in fact still alive, waiting, and waiting for that magical day you decide to finally play up to your potential (wait, what potential). So in a sense, I guess I owe you a special thanks for that. Thanks for providing me with perpetual, yet false hope every season. It truly gives me something to live for. Just hoping that any given year could finally be our year gives me the motivation to keep going on with the meaningless life you have coincidentally caused me to live. But still, thanks again. For without you how else would I learn to never take a win for granted? Those patriots fans don't know what they're missing. Always winning and never appreciating it. No wonder they're the most hated team in the league. But not you Jets. No, you know how to make a fan truly miserable, and then right before we contemplate jumping off the George Washington Bridge in an attempt to alleviate the misery of a sub-par season (every year), you suddenly pull out a 38-3 victory over the ever so cunning Cleveland Browns. If it weren't for these occasional, and amazing victories, I don't know how I'd go on watching you week after week, mysteriously still expecting something relevant to happen. Like remember that time you guys scored 1, yes 1, touchdown in an entire 4 weeks of preseason. THAT WAS AWESOME! Especially since our 3rd string quarterback was the one who tossed it in to a no-name running back who was cut the following day. But its alright Sanchez, you'll get it eventually.....I hope.
But seriously, let me please give you guys some humble advice. I feel as though it is my duty to share with you as an organization what I feel is, well, lacking, for if I withheld this information, I wouldn't even be as good as a Dolphins fan. First off, offensive coordinator, whoever you are this particular year, please understand that you in fact have Mark Sanchez as a starter, and not Joe Montana. Yea, that means stop expecting amazing 60 yd. touchdown passes to a receiving core filled with players who wouldn't even be considered an elite college unit. Yea its called "high percentage passes". That means short passes which in fact open up the running lanes you so desperately attempt to own, however in fact relinquish to my pop-warner teams defense. Listen, i'm not saying I could personally run your offense successfully, but in fact I am. And can I just say this?...TIM TEBOW??? What!?!?!?! What was the point of that? Seriously, after giving Mark a contract extension Wes Welker deserved more (yea, and I hate the Patriots), you then go ahead and pick up baby Jesus? Just when I thought I couldn't lose anymore hope in you guys, you go ahead and pull a stunt like this. Hey, maybe next time the most media-friendly player you decide to pick up will have a relevant and beneficial affect on the TEAM. Until then, I'm going to be hibernating where no one can find me, or where I can't see you play, for it will simply break my green little heart.
With much love, Gavi Reichman
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